When We Teach People to Blame, We Train Division: A Nervous System Perspective for Clients and Clinicians

In today’s culture, emotionally charged labels get used casually — often without recognizing what they are actually reinforcing in the nervous system.

One example is the phrase “Trump Derangement Syndrome” (TDS). While the term itself is political and non-clinical, the behavioral pattern underneath it reveals something far more important: how easily humans externalize responsibility for their internal state.

This article is not about politics.

It’s about a nervous system perspective on blame, personal responsibility, and the ethical responsibility of therapy.

Because if someone is blaming a political figure for how they feel, they’re almost certainly doing the same thing in their relationships, families, workplaces, and communities.

What Externalization Really Is: A Nervous System Perspective on Blame

Externalization occurs when a person unconsciously assigns responsibility for their internal emotional state to something outside themselves.

The nervous system says:

“I feel unsafe, angry, overwhelmed — therefore someone else must be causing this.”

This reduces uncertainty in the short term, but it comes at a cost:

• Loss of agency

• Increased reactivity

• Rigid thinking

• Identity fusion

• Chronic nervous system activation

  
  

The body stays locked in threat physiology instead of learning regulation.

Why This Pattern Damages Relationships

When someone believes their emotions are caused by others, they naturally:

• Blame instead of self-regulate

• Control instead of communicate

• Polarize instead of stay curious

• Escalate instead of repair

• Avoid accountability

  
  

This pattern quietly erodes:

• Trust

• Emotional safety

• Respect

• Intimacy

• Family cohesion

  
  

Politics may be the stage — but the nervous system pattern plays out everywhere.

The Clinical Concern

Therapy does not simply treat symptoms.

It trains nervous systems how to relate to:

• Power

• Responsibility

• Safety

• Authority

• Difference

• Conflict

  
  

When therapists unintentionally validate external blame, they reinforce:

• Victim identity

• External locus of control

• Dependency on circumstances

• Dysregulated attachment to narratives

• Reduced emotional sovereignty

  
  

This keeps clients stuck — even when the intention is compassion.

True attunement supports regulation, differentiation, and agency — not agreement with projection.

Drama Triangle vs Empowerment

When blame becomes normalized, people fall into the Drama Triangle:

• Victim

• Rescuer

• Persecutor

  
  

This reinforces powerlessness and division.

The Empowerment Dynamic shifts toward:

• Creator

• Coach

• Challenger

  
  

This builds:

• Responsibility

• Regulation

• Resilience

• Emotional maturity

• Secure relating

  
  

Empowerment is not comfort — it is capacity.

Why This Matters for Health

Chronic nervous system activation impacts:

• Sleep and recovery

• Hormonal balance

• Blood sugar regulation

• Immune function

• Cognitive clarity

• Mood stability

• Inflammation

  
  

A nervous system trained in threat cannot heal efficiently.

This is not philosophical — it’s physiological.

This Is Not About Silencing Beliefs

Strong beliefs and healthy disagreement are part of a functional society.

What destabilizes individuals and families is:

• Identity fusion

• Threat-based nervous systems

• Lack of emotional responsibility

• Inability to tolerate difference

• Loss of curiosit

  
  

Regulation allows disagreement without dehumanization.

The Leadership Question

Instead of asking:

“Who is causing this?”

A healthier question becomes:

“What is my nervous system responsible for regulating inside me?”

That question restores agency, maturity, and sovereignty — personally and collectively.

Awareness is the first step — but it’s not where change happens.

Regulation, responsibility, and nervous system capacity are skills that can be learned and practiced.

In my next post, How to Retrain Responsibility in the Nervous System, I’ll walk through practical ways to shift out of blame-based patterns and build internal regulation, emotional sovereignty, and healthier relational dynamics.

If this conversation resonates, check back soon for the follow-up.

Gentle Disclaimer

This article is educational and not a substitute for individualized medical or mental health care.

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Legal Disclaimer 

I am Tiffany Bays, MS, LPC, CMNCS, a Licensed Professional Counselor, Certified Mental Health & Nutrition Clinical Specialist, Certified Breathwork Practitioner, Master Practitioner of NLP, MER & Hypnosis, trauma-trained, and holistic psychotherapist. I am not a medical doctor. The information provided here and in the accompanying document is for educational and informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any medical condition. By choosing to use this information, you acknowledge and accept full responsibility for your own health decisions. Please consult a qualified medical professional before making any changes to your healthcare routine.